Feminism, ft. My Parents
Understanding what it means to be truly feminist
Feminism for me has always been about the discrimination and stereotypes I have to face as a woman trying to do her best, be it at home or in the outside world. I am always talking about it, advocating for it and will continue to do so. But my understanding of feminism has been shaped mostly by my own experiences so far.
A few months ago however, a question someone asked my parents made me see the idea of being feminist in a whole new light. The said person asked about the fact that my parents let their 25-year old unmarried girl child live alone in a different city, unattended. My first reaction, of course, was outrage on such nonsensical judgements still being a thing. But once my anger subsided and I thought more about it, what stood out was not the judgement in itself, but rather the fact my parents took it in their stride.
To be the parent of a girl child living away from home is never easy. You’re constantly worried for her well being, while constantly being questioned by those around you for your choices. The questions get worse the older she gets, and the longer she remains unmarried. I constantly reassure my parents and they have complete trust in me, but I realized the fear/anxiety they face is something that will never go away completely and probably something I can’t ever understand fully.
All this made me realize that they’re more feminist than I’ll ever be. I grew up in a world where my parents were completely supportive of my choices, where I’ve got the right opportunities to establish myself professionally and personally, and have had the privilege to find a partner who supports me in every way.
More importantly, feminism is something that I could afford and did not have to fight for. It was a right handed over to me by my parents. As for them, born at a time where my mom was not allowed to work post getting married and my dad helping with household chores was a rarity, feminism is a choice they made.
It is a choice they make over and over, because they believe their daughter deserves everything a son would have. It is a choice they’ve had to defend over the years, to family and strangers alike.
They moved to a different city so I could go to a better school. They never questioned my choice of moving to another city for my first job, when so many others did. They supported me for months, when I quit my job and stayed home while on the waitlist for MBA. And when I did get into MBA, they were the first to celebrate. They’ve never made me feel different, because I was a girl, in a world which does not always treat me as an equal.
But it is not these actions that make them feminist. It is the fact that they had a choice at each of these instances to do otherwise, to have chosen a path which would have probably made life less worrisome for them, and still chose to do it makes all the difference. And the difference it made is why I am here writing this article today.
“Not everyone can be a true feminist, but a true feminist can come from anywhere.” — Inspired by Ratatouille
Feminism, as I’ve now understood, is not just about big battles fought on social media or corporate offices, but also the silent little struggles that many like my parents face everyday. At the end of the day, big or small, every struggle is significant and takes us closer to creating a world that is equal.
The true essence of feminism, therefore, lies in choosing equality no matter what your battle is. My parents chose it, I hope you choose it too.
